It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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