Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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