Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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