My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
