She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
