3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
