Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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