Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
