she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
