my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You need a sexual gate keeper
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize