remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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