Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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