Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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