my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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