i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
