do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize