Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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