Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
