I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
