the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
