Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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