Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
time to smoke my breakfast
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
