Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
