Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
