I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
