i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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