I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize