she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
