my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
