my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize