She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
