If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
