she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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