I wish my penis had an off switch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize