There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Every concussion has its silver lining
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
