Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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