What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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