my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
