Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
