i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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