I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
