I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize