my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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