You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
