I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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