9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
