i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
