How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
