when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
His nipple licking is glorious
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