remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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