I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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