I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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