soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
