4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
