I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
