this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
