who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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