Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
