I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
