He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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