I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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