His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
