So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A bitchslap is in order.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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