Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize