Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
