the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
