so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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